Nov 8, 20215 min read

Awakening Beyond Space & Time

Updated: Nov 14, 2021

It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, but what if I'm just 'crazy?'

Taking a long walk the day after the mediumship gallery reading, I sit on a bench and have a quick cry. I'm so perplexed by my dad's message to the medium yesterday, "I will make it up to you in my own way." What can he possibly do? My mind goes to thoughts of him somehow bringing me more money, or other material items, but I don't need these things, I think. I get up from the bench and continue to walk.

As I walk along the trails and paths, I have my headphones on and am listening to the few songs Dad told me he loved before he died, when I asked him one day what kind of 'Dad playlist' I could make to be reminded of him. I come to another set of benches along a baseball field, and the song "Nessun Dorma" is playing in my ears. I suddenly hear my dad's voice in my own mind saying, "Come sit with me and enjoy this beauty." I think to myself this is probably just my own psychology, but after yesterday, I am open to the idea that there is the slightest chance possible that these moments when I hear my dad's voice in my mind might actually be him. I decide to sit and relax a few moments anyway. As I close my eyes, I intentionally pat my leg as if my dad's hand were there to hold. I then hear, "let's hold hands and enjoy the beauty."

Suddenly in my mind but without the intention to imagine something, I feel we are together in front of a big stage, the only two left in a large theatre, and I see Luciana Pavarotti singing "Nessun Dorma." The song finishes and I decide to just appreciate this imagination, or whatever it is. It was simply nice. I get up, begin walking home and my dad's voice is again in my ear saying, "Play it again. You don't quite believe I'm here. I want to show you." I think to myself, "I'm going crazy," but decide to just sit and play it again anyway, because at worst, it's a nice imagination. I sit and get a little more comfortable this time. I close my eyes, and hit play.

A note: At this time, consider listening to Luciano Pavarotti's "Nessun Dorma," widely found on the internet, youtube, etc., while reading.

As the song begins, this time I don't need to intentionally imagine anything. It seems as though I'm not even trying, not even thinking. I'm just noticing. I'm in the theatre again, Dad is on my left and wearing his white cut off sweatshirt. He looks like he did while we were in Peru together. The music is playing, we are holding hands, and this is making him so happy. He tells me to stop thinking and just be present. "Experience the joy, just be here, forget everything else," he says. I listen to him and allow myself to immerse in this 'experience,' or whatever it is. I am able to see Pavarotti singing, noticing his mouth moving as he sings, every detail of his tuxedo. It seems so natural, and I'm just observing it all.

Dad tells me to enjoy the beauty in the music and he wants me to just stare ahead for some reason and take it all in. I do. He says, "I'm going to stare at the most beautiful thing in here- you," and I notice him from the side looking at me with love and admiration. It's beautiful and it makes me cry. We continue to experience this beauty together and I allow myself to feel it all. The music, the love, the presence, and the beauty. Then suddenly, like with a magical poof, I'm wearing a beautiful gold, sequin, full length mermaid style gown, bright and sparkly, rich and luxurious in color, and Dad says, "you deserve to be in the most beautiful dress in the world." I notice it, think to myself how I don't even like sequin gowns (ha!), but I feel beautiful and more than anything, I'm feeling so loved by my dad.

I now notice angel wings on my back and he says to me, "you're the most beautiful angel." We listen to more of the song together while holding hands, engaged in all this beauty and I feel elated and enveloped in joy and love. I then have a sense many angels are in the theatre looking down on us. Just as I sense them, I begin to feel them near my heart. I notice my dad is still holding my hand next to me, watching something that I don't see but somehow I feel is taking place. It feels as though the angels are 'working' on my heart (for lack of a better word). I'm not scared. I seem to know they are being helpful and caring and I just continue to observe all that I'm noticing.

As the song concludes, a crowd cheers and claps and I feel it's the unseen angels. They seem so elated for my dad and I. The song is in its last bars and Dad stands, pulls me up, spins me in a circle, dips me (this makes the angels cheer even louder), and we hug so tightly. I tell him how much I love him. There is so much happiness I really don't have the words to describe it. It's a happiness in the depth of the soul.

With the song over, I open my eyes, and I just begin to cry. I'm so afraid I'm making all of this up. What I just experienced was so beautiful. It was one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me, and I'm so worried I just invented it all. Yet, each moment of that wasn't thought up with the thinking brain. I didn't use my mind to choose images, make decisions, or even think. It's more that I felt like an observer of something unfolding. My brain feels I had to just have made all this up, but I notice a small tug in the heart that says, no, it was Love.

Late in the evening as I lay down to sleep and closed my eyes, I chose to replay the whole event in my mind, wanting to remember it all. Instead, I unexpectedly saw my dad's urn and heard an airy female voice say, "He's resting." Well isn't that interesting, I thought.

Ten months later, I took the picture below in the same spot. I put my hand on my heart because I now know the power of that moment on those benches. It was a truly magical beginning to an awakening. An awakening to not only a new relationship with my dad, but also with myself.

I hope you will be inspired by this journey and that it sparks an open space in your heart to say, "What beauty might unfold if I allow for possibility?"